Reading Nikki (sometimes God sends exactly what you need, when you need it)

Excerpts from an interview w/Bill Moyers & Nikki Giovanni (Feb 13, 2009)
http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/02132009/transcript2.html


BILL MOYERS: What do words do for grief?

Nikki Giovanni (NG): I guess they let us know that we're not alone. I think what words do is we acknowledge that we're human and we hurt. And so you don't have to pretend you're not hurting. Because you have a hole in your heart... I think that the only thing that I could do to make sense out of it was to connect these dots. And the only thing to connect the dots was going to be love. Because, no matter what else is wrong with you, good wine and good sex will make you feel better. (maybe a good workout too ... but Amen Nikki, AMEN!!!)


MOYERS: But the object you chose was bicycles. Why bicycles? And what do they have to do with tragedy and drama and loss and death even?

NG: I just thought 'I've got to rethink it, and then I've got to find an object'... Well, tragedy and trauma are wheels. And they're always with us, aren't they? They're always spinning around. That’s the perimeters of life, these tragedies. They just spin around and spin around. And so what you're trying to do is bring them together. And when you bring them together you've got the bar, so you have a vehicle, right? When I grew up you learned to ride a bicycle by getting on a bicycle, which means you're gonna fall off. And love and life and bicycles are about trust and balance. It's about riding it and believing that this thing, that doesn't make sense for you to be on, can move... We do that in our relationships. It's the same bike. We are continuing relationships through trust and balance.



Moyers: There are a lot of somber books born of grief. But not many books I've seen that are about love born of grief. And, yet, that's what this book is about. It's a book of love poems.

NG: Oh yeah. Well, what else was going to make you smile? I enjoyed it so much. The writing of it makes me smile. What else will get you through it, you know?... I do that by writing. I do that by listening. I do that by allowing myself to admit that I'm sad. I don't always — I mask a lot of my feelings, but there are just times that you have to admit, "I'm really sad"... And you just have to kind of let — see if you can get the feeling to come to you.


NG: I think, Bill, I think I fell in love. And so I started thinking about, what else are we going to do?

MOYERS: You fell in love?

NG: Oh yeah. Absolutely. It is wonderful. You know, you just keep thinking of things that are wonderful to do. And life is a good idea.

MOYERS: Tell me what it takes to write a love poem.

NG: I think a generous spirit and a willingness to make a fool of yourself.

MOYERS: That's love, right?

NG: That's love.


MOYERS: And you — somewhere that love is about you and not the beloved. And that's very important to remember as you're writing a poem. Why?

NG: Because it's your trip... And I think that we have to look at I love you, which is enhancing to me... But being in love has nothing to do with how the person feels about you. It has to do with how you feel about yourself.


MOYERS: I read these poems, every one of them reeks with desire.

NG: Well, desire is there. You fall in love, there's always desire.
But, also, there's a lot of longing.



On *missing safety* ...

NG: And I realize a lot of this book, too, still has a lot to do with my mother. That I miss the safety. And I think that one is never so safe again as when one's mother is not there to put their arms around. I mean, they're just — your mom just makes you safe. You know? <-- My sentiments about my *father*

NG: I know the term I use a lot is safe, and it's because I'm an artist, and I never feel safe. So I'm always looking for safe places. And, you always felt safe with grandmother.

NG: And nobody said, "Well, what about Nikki?" 'Cause everybody would always think, well, Nikki can take care of herself. Nikki's strong, and Nikki can do it. And Nikki was feeling very sad.
But, fortunately, Nikki's a poet, so I began to write my way out of it.

NG: I was just a woman looking at the world, trying to find a way to be happy and to be safe and to make a contribution. And, in order to do that, a lot of bush had to be cut down. I don't think I cut down any trees. I'm a big fan of trees. But there was a lot of weeds out there. And racism, poverty, just basic prejudice against women. Prejudice against any number of things. And so you go through, not the jungle, because the jungle is impassable, but you go through that field. And you say to yourself, "I have got to knock some of these weeds down." And so that's all I was trying to do. And I was just trying to be me.