On Intimacy

Intimacy requires not only a willingness to be vulnerable, but a desire for the other to be the same. It is a destination you are willing to work for, to help create a space where the beloved feels safe to express, to give light to what has been hidden in the shadows of rooms that he’s been too terrified to open. And the creation of that space is not simply about asking questions, offering an invitation to speak - it requires you to devote the time and care to know the one you love, so that the motivation behind your request is conveyed. That intention, the comprehension of that motivation is vital to any hope of an exchange of love where each is able to be bare because of a trust cautiously and painstakingly constructed with the other which whispers: I may not be able to promise you forever, but here in this moment and for as long as I can sustain it without decreasing my self or hindering growth – mine or yours – I want to be with you, see you, and know you, which means I must also be willing to see and know myself. I’ll stand with you in the fire and hold your hand, if you’ll hold mine.

This is intimacy – moments of becoming one in order to live within and move beyond the solitude of pain and circumstances and fear and fear and fear. It is the oneness on which our very lives depend in this world that heralds I and you always distinct and apart; we were never meant to be alone.

Feb 20, 2006